So, I was walking my dog the other night. It was cold and dark, when suddenly she runs off and no matter how much I call she doesn’t respond.
I notice she has run down some steps, into an alleyway and disappeared in someone’s doorway.
I feel like Nelly Futado in that clip, Maneater. I go through the door. There are people everywhere, men topless, muscled bodies sweating. They look around at me as I walk through.
There is a twitchin in my step. I walk on. One of the people that approaches is black and has that strange, pupilless look. This is strange, and suddenly there is a strong beat that starts up. It envelopes my entire being and I have to dance. Just like Nelly Futado in that clip.
The music and the driving beat is intoxicating.
People watch. All of a sudden I don’t know why but I start singing:
Everybody look at me, me (Oh my God, I hear myself, not bad though)
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody whatchu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho (well I don’t know if that’s quite appropriate, but what the heck)
Everybody get your necks to crack around (not sure how you do that, must be a chiropractor’s convention)
All you crazy people come on jump around I want to see you all on your knees you either want to be with me, or be me
It’s wild, again it’s that Nelly Futado thing that’s happening. I can feel it.
Slowly, I pull my top off over my head. My hips are going crazy, my feet have a life of their own. Still the beat drives on. The people watch in what I’m certain is amazement. I’m pumped now, there’s no stopping me.
Swivel, swivel, and slide, and slide. Like Nelly Futardo, I continue:
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
I see a couple of the guys coming over. I swivel my hips harder as if to knock the guys over.
She’s a maneater make you buy cars make you cut cords make you fall, fall in love
I call them over to join me. Why wouldn’t they want to I think. They do come over and beat the living crap out of me. I try to continue:
She’s a panheater (hard to sing through swollen lips, never knew how Mick Jagger did it)
make you puy carvs make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at al
One last whack and that’s that. I wake a little while later with my dog licking my face. Wow, don’t you just want to be like Nelly? Imagine walking into the hardest, bitchinest place in town and being able to control everyone with a swivel of the hips. Must keep trying. She’s a manheater …